You’re parents never took your shit away? Like books or electronics? Or make you do hard labor?
Once I was old enough to have a job, my parents would punish me by making the pantry off limits for a day or two, forcing me to use my own money for food.
No Internet for you
What’s with all the kids on here all of a sudden?
Bah! Homework is for the weak!
(Jokes aside, schools all of a sudden after covid stop giving “homework” now we call “overdue schoolwork” which means the same thing but you are giving just enough time in class so that if actually did it rather than fooling around you get it done pretty fast and are free the rest of the day.)
We take away what each kid values the most. Works well. If they complain or don’t stop whatever got them in trouble we start adding days.
Wouldn’t that end up with a kid who values nothing, not even their own life?
My mom used a similar technique to get me to do what she wants me to do, and I ended up, well, the way I am right now. I hide a lot of things from her, and if necessary, only pretend to show interest in things I don’t give a damn about just to have a semblance of a personality. Worse, even if I die right after this comment, I wouldn’t mind one bit.
Naw sounds more like it would teach them consequences for their actions while reminding them privileges are not a given. Your mom may have just taken it too far too many times. Or maybe you were a slow learner, who knows.
Fair enough.
My mom had been emotionally manipulative that it instilled in me that showing affection in anything will result in that thing being used against me. If that’s not enough, she mocks me for the things I’ve shown interest on, usually telling me it’s “useless” or “a hindrance”. Later on, I learnt to fake emotion and attachment to things that I could very well afford losing. Moreover, if I can lose everything and anything I love at any moment, there’s really no use being attached to anything.
Anyways, I was ready to acknowledge that it’s but one aspect of parenting. Parenting is hard, having seen my parents deal with us siblings, and then seeing my siblings deal with their own children. Parents (as a rule) try their best to raise their children in the best way they know how, for better or for worse. And even if my mom did gave me this trauma I’ve given up in dealing with (long story), I still love her.
So rather than taking the lesson that you shouldn’t behave in destructive ways, your reaction was to hide what you enjoy so she couldn’t punish you by depriving you of those things? That’s… I’m not qualified to say what that is, but it’s not a great approach. I’m sorry that you don’t value your own life. It sounds like you could benefit immensely from counseling or professional psychiatric help. Don’t think of asking for help as weakness, it takes a lot of strength to admit we don’t have the answers and need help.
The thing is, there was no explanation, nor an attempt at it. Parents back in my generation weren’t supposed to.
Parenting style where I grew up tend to be “don’t explain, don’t let your children ask, have them just follow.” Corporal punishment is also normal, with being hit by clothes hangers, belts, or really, whatever they can get hands on. If that’s not enough, we are asked to “meditate and discover what actually went wrong” while kneeling on (sea) salt for at least fifteen minutes.
In one occasion, I was lasooed on the neck by a belt and having my face hit by the belt buckle. Of course, it was my fault, no questions asked. There was no explanation, and I was left alone in a room to recuperate.
Oh, did I even explain that I eventually learned (quite early on, actually) that I shouldn’t behave in “destructive ways”? Quite early on, as far as I remember, well, at least while my mom’s around. Again, I should emphasize this: there was no explanation, no attempt to, they weren’t supposed to.
And oh, counseling? Professional psychiatric help? Not a thing that is affordable where I live. Not America, but might as well be a cheap clone of it.
Mine always knew I was a loner, and with the passing time she perfectioned her threats and punishments: at first she would hide the keyboard in her closet, so I found it; she tried the same with the power cords, mouse, modem and even though I always find them, it had became harder and harder; then she shut down the electricity, so I bought a power supply; she broke my mouse, so I bought a new one. Reaching an impasse, knowing that nothing she could do would stop me, she committed the worst treason her: she took hostage my computer, far far away from our house, while I was at school.
Some time later he came back, but he was never the same…
