I think the favored beast of the gods is Bear. They’re very tanky.

Behold dog

Their armor makes a handy bowl to eat turtle soup out of for a human.

True, but turtles can’t go surfing.

Somewhere around 1 in 1,000-10,000 turtles live to adulthood. And those that survive live 150 years to remember everything they’ve seen… like their newborn siblings being eaten in front of them by predators.

So maybe God really fucking hates turtles.