Any time I even for a second think about what it would be like to not be married, I remember that even finding a date, let alone dating, in 2024 sounds exhausting, so I remind myself to be thankful for what I have. I’m sorry for those of you who struggle finding a long-term partner.
Yeah that’s me right now and it is rough. Now that my dating profile is a few months old literally the only likes I get now is a bot or two about once a week. I honestly think the best way is to join some type of club or group, socialize with people there, and maybe it eventually leads to a relationship.
I’m in my fifties and divorced. I never liked approaching girls to ask for a number so the apps were a blessing. It took that whole insecure awkward walk out of the equation.
Now being a disposable thing that people are constantly trying to get a better upgrade on, that I hate.
I could see that, and I had that trouble myself when I was young and probably still would now, but the whole ‘swipe left’ ‘swipe right’ thing and having to go through a bunch of random online chats with random people until you find one willing to go get a beer with you and then hope that you contact them back after their unstated but required minimum number of days and that they will agree to get a beer with you again… it just sounds so exhausting. Even just making a profile which would have to be tailored to get people to want to date me sounds exhausting. And I barely even have any pictures of myself, let alone ones I think would work on a dating profile. I don’t have the energy anymore. I think I’d just end up being single for the rest of my life unless something happened by chance. I have a few terminally single friends my age. They appear to have stopped looking.
D- Demonstrate value by suggesting that you can afford a hospital stay
Tell that to the women that go to my gym with their asses hanging out. I mean I’m honestly offended because I’m here to spend time with myself in self-reflection and conditioning but now it’s ruined because I’m asking myself all kinds of questions like “how much little validation does she get from life that she needs to do that? And she’s looking around, scanning for eyes. She knows wtf she’s doing. Women will complain about being sexualized as an object and then do shit like this! If she needs male attention that badly, why here, of all places? Does she not have parents? I’d hate to be this girls father. Then again, there probably isn’t a father in her life if she’s going out like this. I mean it’s not even an aesthetic body! If you have sculpted leg muscles, etc then fine. You’ve earned the right to show that off. But this chick doesn’t even have a noteworthy ass. The only thing noteworthy is that it’s outside of her shorts. Why the fuck would you do this to me? I’d still hit it though.”
Maybe they want to be comfortable at the gym and don’t care what you think of their ass.
I don’t think it’s an unpopular opinion so much as unrealistic one.
Cultivating your body at the gym means you will look attractive at the gym. This is just how the human body is, and the gym is a place for everyone. If you don’t like that it’s a place for everyone, go outside. There are plenty of things you can do with just your body weight to stay healthy. You can get your own weights, as well. You do not need to destroy your body systematically in order to maximize gains and aesthetic in order to stay healthy. If you decide to do so, you take what comes with it. “It” being gym bros hitting on you during your workout. Simply turn them down and move on.
I agree that it’s unrealistic, but for a different reason. So long as the gym is one of comparitively few acceptable public spaces for people to “socialise with intent of romance” people will flock to it for that reason. Any gym that enforced some kind of ‘no flirting’ rule is incurring a real financial risk.
I couldn’t* care less what it reads like to you, in your world nobody talks to anyone and everything is black and white. I’m good, I won’t ever want to live in your world.
Edit: the video
Hitting on people is equivalent to racial segregation and centuries of hatred…? Besides that whole can of worms, how did your parents meet? My dad hit on my mom at a summer camp. I met my wife by hitting on her at a store. Hitting on people is the most traditional way people hook up. Weird to me that people are trying to demonize public flirting.
As much as I understand your opinion, I’m really struggling to understand how couples meet outside of apps now. I’ve been in a long-term monogamous relationship for more than 20 years, I’m completely out of the loop.
I’ve been single for five years now.
I got rid of social media and then COVID hit.
I honestly don’t even know how to socialize anymore let alone date.
Fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, my relationship history has me so jaded, that I really don’t have any desire to date.
If I did desire such a thing, I have no idea how I would go about it. There aren’t any more physical community places unless you wanna go get shitfaced in a bar, and I’m long since past those days.
Have been in a monogamous relationship for a while as well. I think that the rreliance on apps is a false need, cultivated to make more money on said apps as their goal isn’t to lose customers by finding good matches but to keep extracting profits. There’s a significant conflict of interest that makes me think that they are little more than a scam that ocassionally helps people hook-up despite the companies’ best efforts.
Glad that I don’t have to deal with dating and dread the idea that I may have to in the future because I hate it but my suggestions would be:
If looking to cultivate something with long-term potential, put relationship goals on the backburner and participate in an interest that has a possible social component. If one is genuinely interested, they will find people who find them interesting.
If looking to get laid, probably bars in the US (unfortunately, not usually a great place to meet people just looking to socialize, unlike Ireland or the UK).
Alternatively, if one is into kinks or curious and able to be not creepy (can be extra challenging for single men), getting involved with a kink/fetish community that does non-play meet-ups might be a good option. As noted, it can be a bit of a challenge for single men to get accepted, but is not impossible. This is because such groups tend to be very zealous about protecting their community and single men have historically been higher-risk for abuse, assault, and not honoring kink contracts. (As a man, I don’t like the discrimination but do understand and agree with it as I’d rather some guy get hurt feelings than someone end up in the ICU or a dumpster).
Oh man, I know that feeling all too well! MySpace was a thing when I was last dating, so it’s like an entire world has passed by. A while back, I was at a bar with a friend, and he let me swipe through Tinder on his account while he got a round in, and having that kind of easy access to dating when I was younger would’ve been absolutely petrifying.
Bars/Pubs. The booze helps lubricate those social wheels. Or friends of friends being introduced to each other.
But honestly anywhere could be a place to meet someone if you’re not a creep about it and don’t try to force it.
Kinda sucks when you don’t drink though. Best advice I’ve heard was to take up a social hobby, but I haven’t a clue what that would be either.
Like you said, find an excuse to leave your house I guess.
On the contrary, I have two real life friend couples who met at the gym and are now married with children.
If consenting adults are meeting one another in a public space, they should be free to approach each other.
Ok, but how do I know if she ‘consents’ to being approached before talking to her?
That’s the thing, you never could know. Back in the old days you would ask things like “hey you wanna maybe go out sometime” but now since that itself is an affront for which you can be publicly shamed without needing to be pushy or make unwanted physical contact, the only places acceptable to meet people are the bars and apps. I think the only way to fix it is to either create new public spaces centered around dating that don’t center around alcohol, or to culturally shift back a little from “it isn’t ok to ask a woman out anywhere but the bar” to “asking people out is ok as long as you take no for an answer the first time and don’t push, and don’t touch 'em.”
Also you bring up an interesting point: consent to being talked to. If one needs to give consent to be talked to, and one cannot give consent under the influence of alcohol, then one cannot be spoken to while drinking, therefore I deduce the bar is the most inappropriate place to meet women and the gym is leagues more appropriate since everyone is mostly sober there. Watson! Get my gym shorts! (Yes this part was a joke, I hope the Sherlock Holmes reference was a clue to that.)
If consenting adults are meeting one another in a public space
“Consent” is a problem when men try to hit on women using headphones, or when people don’t get the hint that you really don’t want to have a conversation with strangers.
I think the biggest problem is that people go straight to trying to flirt or hit on someone… We’ve spent too much time on Tinder where it is sending as many one-liner pick-up style openers that people start to think that is a normal way for an interaction out in the world to go. Generally, the majority has forgotten how to talk to people face to face in real life in a normal and appropriate manner.
Also, if they are now married with children, I have to assume they met a few years ago and at least possibly, maybe even likely, it happened before the shit hit the fan like it has now. The dating world has been rapidly changing over the last few years.
It sounds like the way those people act would be a big problem anywhere, and they probably wouldn’t abide by any new etiquette rules unless the gym was ready to lose money by throwing them out. And even in that case, they could just follow their target to the parking lot which would probably be even more uncomfortable and scary.
People SHOULD be safe from harassment no matter where they are. But I think any place that brings people together is going to eventually create some relationships.
Sounds like what you propose is some common sense for the ones trying to hit on someone who’s not interested. And I would say that would make sense everywhere, not only in the gym
This is lemmy, there is no “downvote to oblivion”.
The default algorithm here basically sorts by new while the thread is fresh and downvoted comments aren’t hidden.
Besides, your opinion isn’t unpopular at all.
I think, the rule of not being bothered if you don’t want to communicate should be applied everywhere. Also, I find it healthier if people talk to each other at least a bit, but I mostly attended a gym with a stable population (and quite a long time ago, unfortunately) so that may have affected my opinion
If you’re ugly, there’s no appropriate time or place to approach a girl. If you’re not, whatever corny creeper shit you do is fine.
No incel here.
And yet you think women’s primary motivation in finding a life-partner is always beauty.
Being antinatalist has nothing to do with being an incel. Are you conflating antinatalism with asexuality?
