If not, then what about rarely instead of never?

36 points

It’s not possible to never fart but you can do things to reduce gas in your intestines. Here is an article about it. Sounds pretty miserable to me.

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-farting#elimination-diet

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40 points

I’d rather fart and be happy than smell nice in misery.

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8 points

If you really wanted the best of both worlds, you could get those underwear inserts that hide the smell.

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13 points

The strange items humanity comes up with for very specific problems never cease to amaze me

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5 points

There’s this mineral you can eat called bismuth subgallate that works as an internal deodorant. It’s sold under the brand name devrom. Haven’t tried it, but heard good things.

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0 points

Farts don’t have to smell bad. This is something you can change with diet. In particular, avoiding animal products will help. But if you go completely vegan, then your sweat will smell weird, so it’s a trade-off.

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27 points
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100 points

I can guarantee that if you drank pure petroleum and ate quicklime then you would spend the rest of your life without worrying about farts.

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37 points

But if you sharted it’d be like napalm.

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5 points

Cyanid comes to mind.

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28 points

My auntie swore by taking charcoal tablets. We just suspected she’d gone deaf.

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5 points

Did she buy black underwear or dye them herself?

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12 points

I believe she spray painted them.

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15 points

Old people don’t fart. Instead of a distinct fart event, it’s more of a constant, low pressure leak.

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