If people want to practice polyamory I suppose that’s their business. I personally have known a lot of people who turned their lives upside down to be in polyamorous relationships and they generally always fall apart over jealousy. One person always ends up feeling left out usually.
If you want that and you can make it work though then more power to you!
I think it’s different for bi people maybe, but I can say everyone i know who has done it has broken up.
I had a roommate who was bi and he moved like 4 states away to be in a poly relationship with like 5 other people and he moved into their house with them and everything. I saw an update from him that they had broken up and he was moving again like 3 months after that! It honestly just sounds exhausting
Me and my two boyfriends are bisexual. We have been on a long distance relationship for almost 2 years and there never was a issue with jealousy between us. We are a family. We love each other and all we want is to stay with each other.
Out of curiosity, since they way you put it it’s “the three of us” which sound beautiful: How would you (meaning two of you) handle it if one of the others wanted to break out? I mean, break-ups happen, so I’m just wondering if you’ve ever thought about how you would handle being the “only two left” in that kind of scenario?
It sounds like you might be a women from context, given you stated you are bi and have two boyfriends do you ever feel like you’re missing out on not having a girlfriend to fill in that need?
Also if sex is all there is holding your relationship together you are fucked
I’ve been poly for 5ish years now and never had an issue. I’m engaged and I also have an amazing bf. It’s a lot of work but… It’s amazingly worth it when it works. I love my partners so much and I’m glad they have other people around them that can make them as happy as they can be.
I just feel bad for all the children who are unwittingly created and raised by these poly fetish people.
And it would be weird to have a poly parent just vacate from your life because they have no technical legal rights to see you.
You do understand that two people can not be married, and have kids together, right? Just because they’re not married doesn’t mean the mom or dad has no legal rights to the kid. The father is the father regardless of the relationship status of the parents and same for the mother.
Also, my dad wasn’t poly, and he vacated my life all on his own.
You do realize that lots of people have friends that perform parenting roles with their kids, right? E.g. Couples who are friends that each babysit for each other.
The event of the friendship ending has the same psychological effect on the children as having a poly partner leave the relationship.
A lot of these imagined “harms” and weird situations are regular events that people already experience. It’s the defamiliarization of seeing it in a setting that you perceive as weird that makes it seem harmful and/or weird.
Yep, all those kids who get more attention, more love, more money, more education… Really feel bad for them. Maybe one day they’ll be lucky and have a single parent who works all the time like I did. 🙄
Sounds like someone who is offended people live a lifestyle other then their preferred one and I feel it’s best to just ignore this person.
That’s exactly what this sounds like, or maybe someone who doesn’t know what their book is about
To me, polyamory is in the same category as cuckolding in the sense that it’s none of my business…but I think it’s weird fetish.
I don’t feel like it’s possible to love multiple people simultaneously and equally. Anecdotally I know two people who have been in poly relationships and they were messy, both ending with one monogamous couple and the remaining person getting cast out.
I know that doesn’t describe every poly relationship… that’s just my own secondhand experience and I haven’t seen anything to offset it.
But…it’s not my life so I wasn’t gonna stop them. I just wouldn’t recommend anyone try it
Polyamory is not a fetish and is not related to sex at all. People who practice polyamory CAN have sex but that’s not what polyamory is. The people who do poly just to get laid are the ones that fail.
(Source: currently engaged to my fiancé and about to celebrate my 1 year with my bf. Nothing sexual about it… Just a lot of love)
Glad it’s working for you. I think too many people get caught up in the idea without thinking it through which inevitably leads to fallout.
That’s the big thing. Polyamory is a LOT of work and most people don’t want to put that effort in.
It’s also just in general not for everyone. Nothing is for everyone… but I feel like every time I see people online generally talking about polyamory it’s always examples of people who didn’t want to put in the work, doing it poorly.
Just because it isn’t for everyone doesn’t mean it can never work. It’s a lot better for people to be talking about healthy ways to do it so people who would enjoy polyamory can do it correctly the first time.
I think this might be the worst post in this thread.
Like, you admit you have no experience and don’t really know what you’re talking about, but you didn’t let that stop you.
This is a bad post. Polyamory is NOT about sex and it’s NOT a fetish.
It can work extremely well and be extremely loving if done correctly. The problem is, it’s not as easy as people often think it is when trying to idealize it.
Communication is extremely important in every relationship and that only multiplies when you have more than one partner.
If you have a feeling of jealousy… Talk about it…
If you don’t think your partner is spending enough time with you… Talk about it…
If you aren’t enjoying sex with your partner… TALK ABOUT IT!
I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 4 years, my bf and I are celebrating our 1 year next month, and I have a new first date next Wednesday. My fiancé has even been with their nesting partner (who is monogamous) for 8 years now.
This all happened because we have clear ground rules and boundaries as well as active communication.
I’ve never felt more loved than when my fiancé helped me pick out my outfit for my first date with my bf.
I love them both so tremendously and it pisses me off when people tell me that isn’t possible or that all I care about is sex.
My nesting partner and I do not have a sexual relationship anymore, and that’s totally fine. We’re still in love and enjoy spending lots of time together. Polyamory is not about sex. I have other sexual partners sometimes, and that’s fine. My NP also has a girlfriend who she doesn’t have sex with either, and they get along like gangbusters.
Exactly! Sex is completely unrelated to the process as a whole.
It’s gross how often people think that being in love is just to have someone to fuck.
I think there are an unfortunate number of monogamous people who decide to try polyamory to fix or hold on to a dying relationship. It’s not a surprise that that often goes extremely poorly. It’s not for everyone and it’s not gonna fix any problems.
I’ve dated a couple of people who are poly, and while I’d always been in monogamous relationships, I was open to the idea. I don’t think love is a finite resource, and I’m not a jealous person at all, and it turns out, it doesn’t bother me at all. I also stay well away from anyone who thrives on drama, so all involved were very honest and adult about the whole thing. I wasn’t in a good headspace for any relationship at the time, so it didn’t work, but I’d absolutely be willing to try it again.
I posed it as a question for a reason. I can say every poly relationship I have known has ended in flames, but I’m open to all opinions.
But there is no question some people should just get divorced.
I can say every poly relationship I have known has ended in flames
I strongly dislike this trope. Most monogamous relationships also end badly. Relationships are hard.
Well they have is all I can say. Two of them ended particularly badly when the person in them who encouraged the poly relationship up and left the person they invited to be poly. My one friend ended up suddenly homeless when her poly couple threw her out after she had moved across country to be with them, and another who had been encouraged by his wife to practice being poly ended up having said wife vacate the premises while he was away for a weekend and empty their bank account and change her number and vanish. Like it was pretty bad.
As with any relationship, you can either decide it’s not worth it to keep bringing up… Or if it matters a lot to you, you can break up.
Sometimes, even with a lot of communication, the relationship just doesn’t work. Not everyone is meant to be. Sometimes your needs are very different from your partner(s) needs and separation is the best way to make you both happier in the long run.