I (20M) was never really a social person and spendy my middle school alone but I was able to make some friends in high school
However, ever since I started my Bachelors I’ve struggled to make friends.
I’ve tried joining clubs or participating in events but even when I do manage to have successful conversations I can’t manage to turn that into a friendship. Considering how the year just ended I’m not going to have a chance
I never minded being alone when I was younger but my loneliness is really starting to really affect me.
I’ve lost any internet in watching tv shows or movies or playing any games, I can’t find the motivation to study and always feel tired.
I’ve also started to constantly fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and worry about if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I’ve never had any interests in relationships or even an IRL crush.
I also have a porn addiction that’s growing worse and I’m worried about its long term effects on me.
I’ve also never had any online friends before which means I don’t know where to start.
I really need help.
Do you have access to therapy? This sounds like depression and the best way forward is to talk to a doctor.
Yo, seriously you need to talk to a therapist to help you unpack all of that. You’re 20, you’ve got time to grow and mature. Definitely look into taking some classes at a community college, lots of folks your age there.
Get a hobby too … volunteer…
Good luck.
Also life changes a lot in the next few years. Like how you probably are significantly different than your 15 year old self.
As for the social thing…it’s always intimidating until you start trying…are you going to goof up, absolutely, but you learn and grow. Also young adults are not a horrible as middle schoolers or highschool. Self confidence will help lots with that, but it’s also a fake it until you make it thing too.
I went through a similar phase in college. Took me over 6 months of putting myself out there, saying yes to every social gathering, going to every club/activity that sounded interesting, smiling and being friendly with everyone I met to make my first friend. Used to literally talk to people I happened to sit next to on the bus - complimenting something they’re wearing, talking about the weather, asking them what they’re reading all work to start conversations. If they seem cool, invite them to do something (and don’t lose heart if they flake out). Good luck!
I found my improv class to be rather silly good fun, and everyone is nervous together.
You could take a part time job near more people like a restaurant or somewhere with staff near your age.
There are easy little classes like pottery or some shit you can just have a reason to be near people in a low-stress yet structured way.
Sign language class is also surprisingly fun, and and it could be helpful to other people later perhaps.
You could join a fitness club like running or biking or something. That will keep you fit and near other fit people. Healthy people have better sex.
Community theater is also filled with possible fun people to know. Generally it’s a fun creative crowd to be around, you don’t have to be on stage, although you should aim for that, and everyone is mostly outgoing and there to be silly and happy.
Go toward groups of people who are endeavoring to undertake some kind of task together. There will be music and girls eventually.
Where in the world are you? Some places make it easier to make friends. Here in NYC there’s a shitload of stuff happening all the time. Seattle is legendary for being unfriendly (it has a wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seattle_Freeze ). Some suburban or rural void with a population of 200 isn’t going to do you a lot of favors.
But also you sound like clinically depressed. Go talk to a professional.
The Seattle freeze is akin to the Norwegian unfriendliness. People pretty much look past strangers as a kind of indifferent politeness, but it’s not actually cold or hostile.
If you find those activities like NYC or any kind of shared interest, Seattle opens its arms wide, be it for board games, death metal, knitting, cycling, whatever. All are welcome, well almost all.
