Long ago, way back in highschool, I worked at a restaurant part time. We would get a few of those fake bills every weekend and every Monday on my way to school I would take a small detour to the church who was passing them out and dumped them in their donations bin. I doubt it made any difference but it made me feel better at least.
Should attend a service and make change for them in the collection plate.
I always wanted to print a few up with some overtly witchy messages on them. They have this “satanic church” bogeyman, out here casting spells and eating children or whatever, that I really wanted to exploit just to fuck with the churches that do that.
But I have neither the time or energy to dedicate to these fools.
A friend had an awesome tee shirt with a picture of Jesus masturbating while looking up, printed on it.
Print out something like that and put it into their collection plate.
That’s about as close to superhero level deeds as we’ll get in real life so “thank you!”
I knew a guy in college who, in high school, would occasionally go around with his friends at night with and a chainsaw and cut down billboards. Similar but more illegal kind of stuff.
People that leave church on a Sunday morning and then immediately turn into idiots on the road.
At my wife’s church people honk at each each other trying to get out of the parking lot. Brotherly love lasts about one minute after leaving the building.
Brotherly love didn’t even last in my parents church while inside the building. They convinced a pastor to move his family across the country, and then when ONE PERSON got offended by a difference in interpretation, they managed to strong arm their church leaders into firing the pastor.
If they’re good enough for tips, they’re good enough for the collection plate.
Having worked in several restaurants, the sunday after church crowd were DEFINATIVELY the worst custoners we would have all week.
I worked at a place where tips are very uncommon. A lady gave me one of those fake $20’s once in a little envelope and I was fucking stoked. Put it in my pocket til break time n went to grab some lunch compliments of the nice customer. Go to pay, open the envelope and pull out this bullshit Jesus ad. I almost blew a gasket. I splurged on a nicer lunch that was outside of my budget thinking hey, it’s free. Why not? I was never nice to that lady again.
