Ok but hear me out.
We acquired 20 new logos this month!
“Actionable insights” is the opposite of these corpo buzzwords.
It’s a phrase I use to shut down clients when they ask for something that doesn’t have value. Also know as interesting but not actionable. I prioritize my time on finding actionable insights. Data that can drive decisions.
Check out Wierd Al’s Mission Statement for a primer
George Carlin also has a bit of just corporate jargon stapled together to make a short little speech.
I’m fucking mad that I hear many of these every day and ENGLISH IS NOT MY FUCKING MOTHERTONGUE YOU FUCKING FUCKS
My least favourite was my company motto of “Personal, Simple, Brilliant.” It was supposed to be an ethos that ran through the whole company. It was actually just what management expected front line workers to be towards customers, regardless of whether the business leaders were making decisions to screw over the customer and the front line staff or not.
The amount of times I asked for support only to be shot down and laughed at when I told them “Well, that doesn’t sound very personal, simple or brilliant to me.” when speaking of their management culture.
