If they ask for an explanation and complain about being given an excuse, then they don’t want to hear the series of events which occurred. They want to hear which of your character flaws is responsible and that you’re ashamed of that flaw.
Source: drag speaks fluent neurotypical
An excuse removes responsibility.
A reason does not.
“You are excused” means you no longer are responsible for the outcome.
“I literally wasn’t present when it happened, so I’m not responsible for the outcome” < excuse, which can be valid
“I knew what was going to happen, here is why I did it for a good reason” < reason
Example: three kids are present, 2 are graffiti’ing the back of a house
When caught, 1 kid says “I was trying to stop them, they wouldn’t listen”. This is an excuse, they’re claiming they aren’t at fault and not responsible for the graffiti.
Another says “the home owner deserved it, he’s an asshole”, this is a reason as they are clearly not avoiding responsibility.
When you try and use an excuse to get out of something thar you clearly are responsible for, that’s when you will get served the “I dont want an excuse” line.
Not only was this well explained, but the short segments are great for my ADHD-phobia of large blocks of text
When you try and use an excuse to get out of something thar you clearly are responsible for, that’s when you will get served the “I dont want an excuse” line.
Or when they don’t really want an explanation and just want you to admit fault and ask for forgiveness.
I mean it boils down to “you better have a super good reason for this, cuz I expect you to take responsibility either way”
Nah, more often than not they don’t give a flying fuck about the reason when they say that.
I think the implication is that a reason is out of your control, while an excuse is of your own doing.
Like say you slept in and were late for work. If you slept in because of a medical condition or the power went out and your alarm didn’t go off, it’s a reason. If you slept in because you stayed up too late or forgot to set your alarm, it’s an excuse.
Not that the two terms aren’t interchangable in a lot of cases.
I think a reason involves reasoning. If I’m interrogating someone about a situation like this, I want to know the why of the actions. People who say “stop giving me excuses” are just assholes, and didn’t want a reason anyway.
I think people who are always late and always giving excuses for lateness are the assholes. Sort yourself out and turn up on time. Unless there’s a reason of course, but I can’t think of a good reason to be consistently late.
Sort yourself out and turn up on time. Unless there’s a reason of course, but I can’t think of a good reason to be consistently late.
The reason why I would be late for you is that you’re thoroughly unpleasant and I don’t want to be around you. I hope you find that a ‘good reason’.
Considering the person in the tweet posing the initial question is neurodivergent, and time blindness is a symptom of many forms of neurodivergence, I feel like being late is a poor example.
I’m late because my condition fundamentally does not allow me to process the passage of time properly.
For most people that would sound like an excuse. I understand that.
I set multiple alarms, not just to wake up, but I have an alarm to tell me I need to get in the shower, out of the shower, an alarm that tells me if I’m not currently eating breakfast I need to skip breakfast or I’ll be late, an alarm that tells me to leave the house, and another alarm to actually leave the house regardless of if I can’t find my keys, go now or you’ll be late, call a locksmith later (because you left them in the laundry sink you idiot, that’s why the dirty towels are at the front door somehow)
I’ve managed to avoid being late by being disgustingly early to everything instead.
So when I am late, I’m already feeling like the worst possible human there is, how am I so completely useless?
And “I somehow lost track of time despite having a countdown timer audibly playing in my headphones from the moment I woke up to the moment I got here” is not a valid reason in the eyes of people who have never experienced time blindness, so they pile up more shame on top of my guilt.
My partner and I were standing in the kitchen planning meals and I asked him what day a certain event was because I could have sworn it was “a Monday 20-something” he tells me it’s “Saturday November 23rd” he said, “oh that’s next month” I replied, I went to write it in my diary, but it was already written in my diary.
Later I got ready for bed, I set my alarm nice and early for the big day, and woke up today on the Monday 28th of October, started getting ready and asked my partner why he was sleeping in and he says “sleeping in for what? What are we doing so early today?” to which I reply “the event! …wait … That’s in November, why did I think it was today?” and went back to bed.
I got home from work this afternoon, put my bag down and suddenly and immediately started panicking “oh fuck, I forgot to attend that event today!” and I pull out my phone to text someone and remember it’s not until November.
I’m going to keep doing this until the 23rd of November, when I’m inevitably going to have somehow forgotten the event entirely and my partner will wake me up asking if I’m ready to go and I’ll say “go where? … Wait there’s some important I’m doing, don’t tell me”
I guess my personal definition of excuse vs reason. An excuse is an attempt to get out of the consequences of what happened, a reason is an exploration of the factors that lead up to the issue, and does not absolve me of responsibility or accountability.
To avoid being late in the future, I have to understand the reason I was late, otherwise how can I fix a problem I don’t understand.
In my case the root problem is unfixable, I can only ever work to mitigate the impact, and that’s never going to work 100% of the time. So it’s tricky because it’s not an excuse, I know I’m making things harder for other people with my behaviour and I don’t expect to face zero consequences for my actions, but I can’t exactly fix it or guarantee it won’t happen again because I know it will, so I’m not going to make false promises about doing better, I’m already doing the best I know how, trying to guilt me does nothing, I’m already at max capacity guilt because I don’t know how else to address this problem and it feels like my fault.
If I’m not concerned with your reasoning, I’m not going to ask, then tell you to stop making excuses. If you don’t want a reason, fine. That’s the whole point, the people who say “why were you late?” then dismiss everything as excuses, not answers to the question just asked. If you don’t want to know, fine, don’t ask, move on.
It’s not just you, neurotypicals on the receiving end of that hate it too. Everyone gets told that garbage line once in a while. It’s always said by someone on a power trip, they’re trying to put you down into a place beneath them
Yeah I mostly just lie and something like “I just do it the way my brain does it.” Because “I don’t want excuses” is all I heard for years growing up, so ok I will not provide any further to you.
