go to bed at 2pm and get up at 10pm

While we are making reasonable demands, stop using 12 hour time. Sincerely, everyone else.

Yep, there’s a pneumatic tube attached to that vending machine that goes all the way to Ecuador. Simple physics, really.

So… People tell me an election year is no time to talk about electoral reform. Every US election year. But! After the election, they scurry away under the refrigerator and stay there for 4 years. I know you have to hold your nose while you vote this time, but catch these weird centrists before they disappear and hold their feet to the fire to influence change. You deserve better than this “I’m not voting for _, I’m voting against _” nonsense. Your government is hurting all of us. Stop it, please.

Somebody laminated my birth certificate. But what are they going to do about it, unborn me? Wait… will they?

Edit: What if somebody laminates my death certificate? 😭

A bit underwhelming.

The one from Shrek

Step 1: Unwrap processed cheese slice and put in mouth. Repeat as necessary.