like you know you’re a good person at heart but life circumstances and trauma and bullying and etc prevented you from learning the proper social skills to find companionship. not necessarily a forum to actually find friends (i find going into things with that intention feels fake and weird), but rather a forum to commiserate and share advice and coping mechanisms and so on.

loneliness is increasing worldwide, esp in men. and it’s very easy to get into the weeds on this of course…

happy fuckin holidays

129 points

a forum to commiserate and share advice and coping mechanisms and so on.

Speaking for myself here, but I feel like this can make the problem worse. /r/depression is something in a similar vein. Whenever I went there, I’d always leave sadder. There’s something about reading other people’s struggles that just seemed to reinforce my own sense of hopelessness.

Also, bad advice on those kinds of forums can look extremely reasonable if your perception of the world is clouded by your problems.

I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but give therapy a shot if you haven’t already.

Like others have said, having a friend that you see regularly can help with loneliness. Doesn’t even have to be strangers. Try messaging an old friend you drifted apart from. Odds are they’d be happy to catch up.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I know this isn’t the type of response you asked for. I hope everything works out for you, bud.

permalink
report
reply
14 points

Bang on. I’m feeling down right now (relationship that ended I’ve never recovered from years later) and no amount of chatting with people online is going to fill that gaping hole or help me patch it.

Professional help should always be approached first and foremost.

Of course, that’s not accessible for many people which is a shame and for that I have no answer, just that seeking to fill that hole with like-feeling people online is a recipe in disaster. Negativity breeds negativity.

permalink
report
parent
reply
11 points

Doesn’t even have to be strangers. Try messaging an old friend you drifted apart from. Odds are they’d be happy to catch up.

Thank you, I really needed that. I don’t have a lot of friends but I do have some old friend that is kind to me

permalink
report
parent
reply
86 points

I don’t know of one, but the Internet is toxic. I’ve had more luck meeting strangers into the same hobbies. Went to an open source conference. A business meetup. Professional settings are lower pressure because there’s no expectation of making actual friends.

permalink
report
reply
39 points

depression sounds like it’d make meeting people IRL more difficult

permalink
report
parent
reply
13 points

Don’t worry, you’ll fit right in!

permalink
report
parent
reply
9 points

It does but the benefits to ones mental health from talking with randos is fucking bliss

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

It makes everything more difficult. The only answer is therapy and/or medication.

Meeting people online while depressed is surely a bad idea.

permalink
report
parent
reply
72 points

I’ve had great experiences on Slowy (https://slowly.app/) which is a modern pen-pal app. Every message takes days to arrive and you can either connect with people based on profiles or random matching and it’s one of few social networks that aren’t incel or hijacked by dating.

permalink
report
reply
18 points

There’s also postcrossing.com for physical post card swapping.

permalink
report
parent
reply
7 points

Oh that sounds like fun

I would love to get local post cards and trade them with someone else far away from where I’m at

permalink
report
parent
reply
15 points

I’m on Slowly, too! I have one penpal that I’ve been writing to for several years now!

permalink
report
parent
reply
9 points

Thanks for that suggestion. Never heard of it, but it sounds like a neat concept. Gonna give it a try.

permalink
report
parent
reply
55 points

The easiest way to make friends (and this is no easy task if you’re an adult) is to revolve it around hobbies. Find people who share the same interests and conversation is easier if there is something to talk about. This can be online or in person. For example, there are weekly DnD games that happen at local game stores, or book reading clubs, or take a woodworking class at a local college, or find a forum that is all about one niche subject you’re into. If you don’t have hobbies then you have to find something to try, and just try everything you can to see what you are into.

As a once socially inept kid who was bullied mercilessly, social skills are something that takes practice. For me, changing schools, taking up a sport, and getting a job where I had to socialize with people is where I learned to socialize. There were a lot of very awkward conversations, but eventually you figure out what works and what doesn’t.

permalink
report
reply
26 points

Came here to say this. Friendship will develop naturally if you have a hobby in common. Takes the weirdness away, gives you something to talk about.

Meetup.com is very useful

permalink
report
parent
reply
38 points

I feel you on all that, I really do. Guess my brain responded to bullying by going the other way, fighting to learn socials skills to make it stop. I’m old BTW, we might have different definitions of “bullying”. Mine definition is; “getting the shit kicked out of you daily at school, while the teachers watch or participate, and/or being constantly on the lookout to avoid said ass beatings”. All that to say, I get you.

Anyhow, you might not like this take, but going outside is probably your answer. I know how facile that sounds, but you’re not going to make any sort of meaningful human connection with a keyboard.

What does “going outside” look like for you? I got no idea, but I got experience. If you like, DM me and I’ll give you my email or phone number. Hell, maybe we can help motivate each other.

permalink
report
reply
11 points

I’ve been outside. It was awful.

permalink
report
parent
reply
3 points

I’m sorry for your past struggles and appreciate your reaching out like this a lot. Gives hope.

Much love and a happy new year to you.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

Those struggles are decades past. And I learned from them! Wish OP had reached out to me. I feel I could help give them ideas, or at least the hope you mentioned.

And a happy new year to you as well!

permalink
report
parent
reply

Ask Lemmy

!asklemmy@lemmy.world

Create post

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Please don’t post about US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for ‘how do I?’, type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


Community stats

  • 11K

    Monthly active users

  • 4.3K

    Posts

  • 232K

    Comments