Dude is out there trying new things and getting experience. Once he stops looking for approval from everyone he’ll be much happier
Toxic masculinity is bad. Men’s liberation is good. Look up Men’s liberation if you struggle with feeling “manly”.
Sincerely,
A Fucking Combat Infantry Veteran
(For real, patriarchal rules are made up and the points don’t matter)
Let me jump in and hit you with: Any rule/role that is assigned to just one gender is (as far as I can tell) harmful and toxic and should be ignored. With that in mind, what does gender actually do for society? IMO: Nothing. Abolish the concept of gender.
Yeah anyone who demands masculinity of you isn’t worth your time. Focus on emotional maturity and stability, not the bullshit stoicism some people expect of men
Oh interesting. I’m also a cis hetero male but very feminist and a bit queer.
For me I’ve never had this push to be masculine since I was young. I would never have been able to fit in in the army or another toxic masculine organisation. Or even being barked orders at, I could not deal with that. I’ve never been capable of being a “team player”. But I have always been OK with being different. But I was not aware of this movement. I will read more about it.
Always glad to spread the idea. And it’s about more than personal masculinity, it’s about looking at the rules society puts around men too. Much like we’re trying to break the stereotypes around women in Feminism, Men’s liberation does that for us.
To me I see this as a classic struggle many men have in a patriarchal society. Op is constantly wanting to be “manly” through having sex, taking a “manly” job that doesn’t fit with their true self, and feels in order to be a full human they need to be extraverted and with that usually comes a domination mindset.
A great podcast for the lads here who are struggling with that is the “Man Enough” podcast. I felt so seen by it and moments where I was in tears.
Men find themselves in an awkward position of being both the victim and perpetrator of a patriarchal society.
Welding is a good trade and plenty of welders are introverts. At the shop I work at, most of the welders are introverts, with one notable extrovert that nobody likes. Welding is a solitary craft due to safety constraints, it’s just you and the part in your weld cell.
You don’t need to be an extrovert to prove yourself. If you want to prove yourself, you could work on becoming a very skilled welder. Learn the methods, master them, pay attention to details, perfect your craft, learn to weld exotic materials, and your introverted self will be revered and paid handsomely for your abilities. None of that requires you to be a loud dudebrochug.
If you’re comfortable on computers, add robot welding to your repertoire. That is the hot new thing, and could make you even more money since your setups will allow you to put out even more parts with less manual labor.
Also robot welders don’t get the health side effects of a lifetime of welding. My first job in IT was for a place that was on the front edge of robot welding in '98. We had a couple of guys that were in their 60s that could barely breathe or see that toddled around the shop floor. I found out that those guys were the “real” welders that would tell the computer guys what they needed to change in the code to get the plasma cutter to do its cut properly, welder to do the weld correctly, etc.
Side note, plasma cutters are awesome. We stuck a VW bug in the thing and cut it in half in about 30 seconds.
It just kinda sounds like OP is growing up, and a big part of that is embracing who you are, faults and all. You learn that masculinity is a stupid concept and one that is largely unattainable for many, and you also learn that outward perception often isn’t the full reality of someone’s life.
I’ve known manly guys that are struggling with demons, family men with a string of former partners that lost their virginity to a hooker in their late twenties, autistic people that embraced their lot in life and have great success, and people with millions in the bank that are struggling to get by. We’ve all got our own shit to deal with, and in the nicest possible way, no one cares about your issues. We make do, and we live with it.
My father was very successful and read the memoire of someone he knew in business who he thought “had life figured out.” Seeing that the guy struggled internally with all the same problems we all have changed his life. His telling me that story changed mine. We’re all human; even those who seem to have a perfect life live with doubt and anxiety. It just manifests in different ways and we cope in different ways.