• Sen. JD Vance recounted being asked if he had a “secret family” during the vice presidential vetting process, which he found intrusive and bizarre, especially since his wife was present.
  • Vance described the vetting process as detailed and intrusive, including questions about potential family criticisms and criminal history.
  • Politicians undergoing vice presidential vetting often face extensive scrutiny to prepare for media examination, highlighting past examples like Herschel Walker and John Edwards who had hidden children.
161 points

A loveseat with a baby-chair on the way.

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51 points

Excuse me, but his book VERY CLEARLY said he used a rubber glove.

Or was he raw dogging another couch while he was cheating on his wife with the couch he definitely wrote about in his book? (Chapter 11, page 180.)

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45 points

Sofa, I haven’t read any clarifications on the matter. It seems like a story someone should chaise down

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20 points

Here, take my upholsteryvote.

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11 points

Doesn’t require lofty Eames either.

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3 points

Wait . . . Is JD Vance . . . a Sub-Genius??

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12 points

I don’t blame him, that sextional has got a lot of cusion for the push-in.

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11 points

That deserves at LEAST sensible chuckle.

Bravo.

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7 points

No accidental pregnancies if you only fuck La-Z-Boys.

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4 points

Now all I can think of is the my pillow wife comic that I cant fucking find, but instead its couch fucker Vance and the couch he fucks.

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3 points

Take your up vote you beautiful thing

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87 points

That’s what vetting is all about, you moron.

That said, I hope they also asked him when he wasn’t around his wife.

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32 points

I hope they didn’t, and that surprise is still yet to come

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73 points

Sounds like somebody’s got a secret family

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Yeah, that’s a weird thing to make a press release about. Who tells the press that they were asked if they have a secret family? And why is the weird part, according to him, of this that he was asked with his wife present? I think the weirdest part of all this is that they thought that was weird. But actually, this whole thing is weird. Something about this is off. Weird af 😬

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19 points
*

I mean it is sensible for them to ask about it. It is maybe a little foolish of them to do it in front of his wife.

The truly hilarious part about it is that he is so stupid that he thinks (a) it’s something unusual or personal to him, instead of just vetting of candidates like they always do (b) he thinks talking to the media about it is a productive way to react to that perceived unusualness.

All I can do is look upon the GOP and smile and encourage. “Good… good… let the stupidity and incompetence flow through you.”

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9 points

My “I don’t have a secret family” t-shirt has people asking a lot of questions that are already answered by my shirt.

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5 points
*

Who tells the press?

A guy who wants his secret wife to find out from the press why he’s not keeping tonight’s secret date, since he can’t call or text her.

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43 points

He was asked by his Mamaw if he wanted to suck dicks. Unfortunately he was too weird to learn from Mamaw

“I’ll never forget the time I convinced myself that I was gay. I was eight or nine, maybe younger, and I stumbled upon a broadcast by some fire-and-brimstone preacher. The man spoke about the evils of homosexuals, how they had infiltrated our society, and how they were all destined for hell absent some serious repenting. At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: I disliked girls, and my best friend in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.”

When he brought up the issue with his grandmother — known to Vance as “Mamaw” — she replied bluntly: “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?”

When Vance explained his reasoning, she laughed.

“JD, do you want to suck dicks?” she said, according to the book.

The young Vance, apparently “flabbergasted,” said: “Of course not!”

“Then you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay,” she replied. “God would still love you.”

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44 points

Based Mamaw Vance. If only he was more like her.

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7 points

If only

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The dude didn’t convince himself he was gay. The dude convinced himself that he convinced himself he was gay. To keep it going, he is now trying to convince the public that he convinced himself. “If everyone believes it, it must be true.” He is gay af because he not only remembered that experience, but wrote about it in a book.

To JD Vance:

Come on, bro. Just be gay. Like for real. You’re wasting your life and your wife’s life with the charade. Y’all could be having awesome sex instead of pretending. If you’re still resistant, fine. Just try it once to prove you don’t like it. It’s just once. You’ll probably cum too fast to get it over with and then you can say you didn’t like it or take a 5 min break and do it again to make sure. Haha. Omg, that would be crazy, right?

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8 points

Don’t be exclusionary, he might be bi and only want dicks as a sometimes treat.

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6 points

He is having awesome sex. I’m sure that Peter Thiel uses his throat goat regularly.

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1 point

Please, Thiel has the whole GOP over a barrel.

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15 points

I had to actually check that this was real. Mamaw seems like she was a decent person. What the fuck happened to him?

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7 points

He is just too weird to be decent

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6 points

I don’t think that’s it, there’s plenty of decent weirdos out there.

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41 points

The ottoman looked studiously away.

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17 points

Footstool: “Daddy!!!”

JD:

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24 points

“You’re not my real stool! You’re just a stepstool!”

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