91 points

I think it’s easy to point how this is pretty off in some ways, but if you think of it as being aimed at someone with no coffee knowledge, I think it’s not a bad overview of how that person is likely to experience those types of drinks.

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40 points

as someone who knows fuck all about coffee i can confirm this is how i see coffee. The one thing i know is that i like milky carmel cappuccinos:3

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26 points
*

Here’s a quick tidbit I always have in the back of my mind:

If it’s an Italian name, it’s espresso-based and if it’s a French name, it’s coffee-based.

Italian coffee, for example:

Americano - Espresso and water
Latte - Espresso and regular milk
Cappuccino - Espresso and steamed milk
Breve - Espresso and steamed half-and-half

French coffee, for example:

Café - Plain coffee, sometimes called Café Noir
Café au Lait - Coffee and regular milk
Café Cremé - Coffee and cream (or sometimes half-and-half)
Café Americano - Coffee and water, it’s the French version of the Italian style.

What’s the difference between coffee and espresso? Coffee is brewed and steeped. Espresso is created by forcing water through very, very densely-packed coffee grounds using high pressure. Coffee is typically enjoyed in cups and espresso is typically consumed in “shots” because of the strong flavor.

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2 points

Is an Italian latte really with cold milk?

I used to work in coffee in Seattle and around there a latte is also steamed milk. The difference between a latte and a cappuccino is the amount of foam to milk ratio.

Latte is mostly milk with a topping of foam. Cappuccino is half foam half milk (and some people like even more foam in their cappuccinos).

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1 point

It’s worth noting that most places without a “signature” style just use espresso as the base nowadays. Because espresso is a much easier way to start (as it’s a small amount of coffee syrup, without the water).
And outside of speciality (pour-over/cold-brew), it’s the preferred extraction method.

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-3 points

Half-and-half is for cowards. Either cut the cream entirely or get full cream.

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5 points

Wow, I thought I was the only person who didn’t know anything about coffee!

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2 points

Yeah, my partner has to explain to me what the difference is between two drinks at least once a month. I just know I like the sweet ones and hazelnut goes good with most of em

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3 points

I’m sorry but an americano is half coffee half water. It’s not black coffee. Black coffee would be a “solo”.

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3 points

My point is that a non-coffee drinker is going to drink that and think it tastes like black coffee. Their experience of it will be what’s on the sign even if that’s inaccurate.

Also just an FYI, an americano is espresso shots in water, not coffee. Similar to what you’re describing, but a little smoother.

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45 points

If I ask for a latte, and you give me a coffee with milk, I’m gonna be upset. There’s a big difference between steamed milk and just milk.

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10 points
*

I ordered an almond joy latte and went back in asking for another drink cause it was horrible.

Turns out it was a coffee not a drink. I hadn’t had coffee in so long I couldn’t identify the lack of steamed milk. 🫤

I did get it remade as a latte and it was amazing.

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4 points
*

If I ask for latte, and you give me a coffee with milk, I’m gonna be upset. There’s a big difference between milk and coffee with milk.

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13 points

You do know that when you steam milk it changes the consistency, right? It’s like the difference between a coke and a completely flat coke.

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15 points

I thought they were making a joke, in that latte means milk and that it’s “cafe latte” in Italy or something.

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3 points

Isn’t a latte non-steamed though? I thought a cappuccino had the frothed milk in it.

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40 points

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39 points

Hmm, I don’t think I’d want to buy coffee from this place

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14 points

Was going to say, if my coffee shop doesn’t know the difference between coffee and an espresso, I’m not buying a coffee from them.

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4 points

Espresso is coffee. And it’s not like they’re making the advertisement for themselves lol

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2 points

In the same way that prime rib is ground beef

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7 points

Exactly … it’s the kind of place with one cheap coffee machine that buys the cheapest ground bulk coffee they can find and probably spike the grounds with a bit of salt to make it palpable for their regular customers who all don’t care about their coffee because they’ve been visiting the same place for over 20 years.

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39 points

Half of this are wrong though

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75 points

Excuse me, but I have had a lot of tea and I can confirm that it is not coffee.

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-12 points

Espresso is also not coffee.

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1 point

Espresso is a type of coffee 🤯

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11 points

Right, a flat white is definitely not white.

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7 points

A latte is also a white coffee, and most baristas are going to think you want an americano with milk.

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1 point

A latte is much whiter than a flat white even, it barely has any coffee while flat white is closer to 50/50.

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-8 points

It’s a guide for stupid people written by stupid people. I bet they’ll call you “woke” if you order a cappuccino there.

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