95 points

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15 points

Let’s start with a big-ass “H”!

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9 points

The past is the past, surely more letters will fit in the same space!

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87 points

Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.

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8 points

Better yet, if you get enough people to listen to you, start saying you’re Jesus.

totally not cult behavior

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70 points

Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.

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18 points

Maybe this in Julian calendar?!

That means we only have 247 years left!! REPENT!!

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1 point

Can’t I fuck off for 246 days and repent the day of? I mean, I just bought this bag of coke and another one of oxy. D:

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9 points

My favorite month in the dual-year. Junetobuary.

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59 points

It’s almost 9pm where I am and there’s no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.

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26 points

Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.

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27 points

Maybe that’s been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.

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9 points

We are living in the apocalypse, but nobody told us

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9 points

Maybe they’re the filthy sinner and got left behind

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3 points

Oh if the rapture people’s idea of god is the right one, I’m definitely not getting into heaven. But that’s ok, heaven would be full of people I’d never want to hang out with anyway.

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7 points

19th here, I think I got left behind.

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2 points

It’s happening on the 9th of 18th month, we’ve still got some time.

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58 points

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

Matthew 24:36.

RTFM, noob.

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22 points

“Read The Fisherman Matthew”?

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15 points

Read the fucking moom

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12 points

Ride turtles for money

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10 points

Does this imply that the rapture won’t happen on any day any man or angel predicted it, and suggest that these crackpots are either delivering a “no rapture today” message from the Lord Almighty or else embarrassing Her into putting it off?

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7 points

Reginald, The Fingerless Mittens!

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1 point

RTFB

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