Happiness is not the goal - it’s the failure state. Happiness means I’ve become an abusive monster, like you.
That’s a wild take man. Like what are you talking about? Can you tell me exactly what I’ve done to be an “abusive monster”? Could you elaborate on how happiness is only the result of being abusive?
I’m going to disagree with you. I have found it takes less to make me happy as I get older. Moreover, my happiest moments are those where others are happy. I take no pleasure in harming others and I don’t believe that’s a unique perspective.
I think your coping mechanisms have made your life more difficult.