The perfect way to mourn your mundane life.

129 points

Hey, bud. I can’t leave the office after just getting there to go lift weights. I also have zero control over 80% of the meetings I attend. Dude has no idea how privileged he is.

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66 points

Saying NO is a superpower!

“Hey, Sanctus. Where are you going? I was hoping you’d finish that report before noon?”

NO

“Uh, OK? Guess I’ll see you at the meeting with our main customer then.”

NO

See how easy that is?

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57 points

Mate, it’s impossible to work with you, we’ll have to make you redundant, I’m sorry.

NO

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28 points

“fuck, he’s got us. We’ll have to regroup and think of another tactic.”

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22 points

while curling 50 lb. dumbbells

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4 points

Reminds me of that one scene in the first episode of Coupling where Jane refuses to be dumped.

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19 points
*

Its really easy until everyone complains I’m saying no, my review scores drop, and I get fired. Idk what kind of heaven exists out there where you can actually say no without the rest of the office dogpiling you like rabid corporate zombies but its not the place I work at. I could say no once, that person hold a vendetta, and give me a 1/10 on my review, costing me a raise. Its absolutely a fucking Klingon culture up in here.

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10 points

It sounds like your coworkers lack honor! Perhaps it is time for them to experience Bij

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10 points

Saying no is a superpower, just not in the way the author of the original post intended. As comments like yours highlight, saying no to nonsense work is out of reach for the vast majority of people who would most benefit from it (i.e. workers who are bothered by managers). It sounds like your workplace is especially gruelling in that respect.

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13 points

How’s your shift going? Looks like a pretty busy morning! Hey could you please make sure you catch the markdown on the bread? The bakery counter didn’t cover up the old barcode properly.

NO

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36 points

Wake up at 5:30 and not have to deal with any bullshit from anyone else until 2pm sharp. 8.5 uninterrupted hours for long walks, “deep work,” and weightlifting. You know, the typical work day.

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21 points

This schedule is completely unrealistic even with privilege

No meetings until 2pm? Doesn’t matter what industry you’re in, guarantee you interact with industries that work 8-4 and will not bend over backwards to schedule you at the end of their day. Like does this person just not go to the doctor? Or deal with banking issues?

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77 points
  • wake up at 5:30am

Fuck right off.

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15 points

I wake up earlier than that these days yet i somehow manage to stay far less smug about it. Though i will gladly fuck off, it’s a ridiculous time to be waking up

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65 points

Terms like “connect”, “be present”, “superpower” tell me this is not for the average working person, but the higher paid bosses of such people who can do whatever they want.

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46 points

It was the “no meetings before 2pm” and “3 hours of no distraction” that gave it away for me.

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58 points

Wake up at 5:30am

Counter offer: go to hell

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48 points

Couple big problems -

To start, this is a morning routine, not a mourning routine. While it is true that I often mourn the morn, dude needs to learn how to spell.

Second, if you’re up at 5:30, and not drinking coffee until 7am, and then have 3 hours of focused work, that right there is 10am. Your morning is supposed to be ‘won’ by this point, and you still haven’t gotten to the weight training part of your morning.

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24 points

Wake up at 5:30 then go for a walk. It is recommended to take a 30 min to 1 hour walk in the morning. Also including prep time so I’d say about 15 minutes. So let’s say we’re at 6:45 now. Wait 90 minutes so now we’re at 9:45. Now making americanos at home is also time consuming if it isn’t pre prepped or if you don’t have a full espresso setup in your home, it could take 30 or 45 minutes and you’d have take it stronger to compensate for the ice melting in the hot cup. So now we’re at 10:30. 3 hours of work, 1:30. Lift weights; you can get that done in 30 minutes, but you also have to factor in cleaning yourself up or else you’re just going to baste in your own sweat all day until you shower. So I’d give that another 30 minutes. It is now 2:00, you’re late for your meetings which removes your “superpower” to say no, you didn’t factor in any time to eat lunch, your blood sugar is probably bottoming out because you had a very caffeine rich coffee drink and lifted weights without nutrients, and you’re going to feel like garbage until you get food in you.

Horrible plan

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9 points

Haha, that’s quite the reality check. God I hate those grifters…

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8 points

In fairness he says 90 minutes after waking, not 90 minutes after the walk. If you get home from the walk by 6:30 that’s 30 minutes to make it, or potentially buy it if you have one nearby to get on the way home/quickly drive to.

Now yes that’s already 10am, but considering he mentions 2pm in the right column, you could make the argument the left column is the “until 10am” part, and the right is “after 10am” part, though I am giving large amounts of benefit of the doubt at this point.

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4 points

How is it taking you up to 45 minutes to make a cup of coffee? I can make a hot cup in ten, and most of that is spent waiting.

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-3 points
Deleted by creator
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8 points

I dunno, I feel like I’ve won on any day I don’t have to lift heavy things.

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2 points

Keeping it noodley. ✊

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8 points
*

oh I’ll definitely be mourning if I were to wake up at 5

Mourning my will to live

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6 points

If I’m waking up at 5:30am and not drinking caffeine for 90 minutes, I’m definitely mourning.

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6 points

I like how planning the morning the night before happens in the morning. That’s about how much I procrastinate, too.

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