33 points
*

I’m loving the comments.

Half of them are discussing the game mechanics and damage of the bite.
The other half are sharing the feelings of affection that apparently came from being bitten.

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1 point

I mean, if a friend bit you would it not cause some aff-Oh, just friends, not roommates…hm…

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25 points

yeah okay that happens

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9 points

You don’t leave the blood from your bite victims smeared across your mouth when you take them to the emergency room?

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125 points

Props to this person for never washing their mouth off their friend’s blood. I’m sure they had the chance to do it, but chose to walk all over the hospital with their mouth covered in blood so that the nurse could see it, otherwise the joke wouldn’t have landed.

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48 points

You ever try to get blood out in a hurry?

I mean, obviously this is the internet and nothing is real, but it’s not impossible that they still had some blood on them in the frenzy to get to the hospital.

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Use water? It takes 2 seconds to wash blood off of skin with plain ol water.

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49 points
*

I don’t know how hospitals work in the US (assuming that OP is a US citizen, because that’s what we do on the internet), but where I come from, determining the cause of an injury is very important to decide on an effective treatment. Bites in particular are very nasty and can lead to a lot of scary complications (including human bites!).

There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.

And maybe I’m too jaded, but I read “we also got engaged” and my mind automatically added “and everyone clapped” at the end of the sentence lol

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38 points

There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.

I suspect that, if true, it was clarified further down the line before treatment. Or, considering how I’ve been in-and-out of the ER, the nurse just wrote down ‘human bite’ regardless of what the patient claimed lmao.

Like I said. It’s the internet. I’m not saying it’s definitely real. But it’s far from impossible.

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21 points

As someone that has worked in healthcare and knows what ER staff see every day:

Lol, bet?

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2 points

I feel like there’s not much hygiene difference between a human bite and a rat. They’re probably both equally bad

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4 points

I mean, there is plenty of time to lick lips on the way to the hospital.

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94 points
*

Once when my sister and I were teenagers, she was hogging the computer and so I just picked up the chair with her in it to move her out of my way. As I walked past, her friend (whom I hadn’t touched) used her bite to make an attack of opportunity against me. It wasn’t gentle - there was no blood but there were tooth-marks.

I had mixed feelings afterwards. On the one hand, it hurt. On the other hand, a girl touched me. With her mouth. I had never been kissed at that point but being bitten was close…

(I didn’t end up marrying her.)


Also a d6 bite is nonsense. The average commoner has 4 hp and 10 strength, so one commoner would be able to kill another commoner with a single bite 50% of the time. I’m not saying a human bite can’t be lethal, but it’s not “stabbed with a shortsword” lethal. Meanwhile, even a d4 bite from a level 1, 16-str barbarian is already invariably lethal to a commoner.

(Yeah, I know, HP isn’t supposed to be realistic, etc. I just hate fun.)

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2 points

Yeah, a bite is more like a dagger than a short sword. Plus barbarians already get an extra +2 damage while raging, which makes their bites average more than a d6 plus strength with the same max damage.

Beast barbarians can even cause their teeth to grow during a rage giving them a d8 bite attack.

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22 points
*

Given the nastiness of the human mouth, “fight bite” (hand cuts from accidentally punching teeth) is often treated with antibiotics. On that basis I’d stick with at most 1d2 damage, plus lingering status effects to the hand unless you have disease curing abilities or medicaments. Maybe the damage sticks unless specially treated, and untreated you can lose the hand to infection?

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16 points

Yeah, but that would be treated like poison damage at a later time with a savings throw.

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21 points
Deleted by creator
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2 points
Deleted by creator
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2 points

Haha, I’m glad you liked it. I was a little bit drunk and worried it might not be as funny to everyone else as it seemed in my head at the time.

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1 point
Deleted by creator
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7 points

I mean, if you’re going to attempt to kill with a bite, I’d assume they’re going for the neck or other particularly vulnerable place. I’d argue commoner bite attacks should have very low chance to hit, but could plausibly be lethal. Most places they get a good bite won’t be able to do any damage, except maybe cause a Con save for disease… I’d say an improvised attack with Disadvantage for 1d6 damage probably works pretty well.

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49 points
*

LOL, that’s amazing.

Also, d4 is the damage of a dagger, which is a weapon made specifically to kill people and has a ~25% chance of killing a commoner (who typically has 4 hp) in one hit with just the rolled damage.

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35 points

Exactly. I mean it’s a cute story but I 100% still thinks that is 1d4 damage lol

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14 points

Not even 1d4. It’s just 1 + STR, which is standard for an unarmed strike.

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2 points

Unless the biter has tavern brawler feat

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12 points

I’m not looking to get married, but keep in mind it’s a Barbarian bite. So the biter’s half-feral and accustomed to gnawing on raw meat.

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20 points

thats why the d4 has +strength modifier though

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9 points

I’d give it a flat 1HP, if that. Unless you get me in the neck, I doubt any human bite would take 25% of this commoners HP.

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6 points
*

Thing is, if you’re trying to bite someone to death the neck is the most natural target (vs. bending down to take a chunk out of their stomach or trying to open the veins in the arms). The difficulty is more in actually getting in range, which realistically would get down to grappling in a fight.

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2 points
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Do commoners not go down to -9? I don’t think any session I’ve ever played bothered with caring about the peasantry, lmao

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11 points
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NPCs and monsters automatically die at zero HP in DmD 5th and the editions prior that I was the DM for. There was a reminder that the DM could choose to let them go under, but the default was death on zero for non-player characters and monsters.

Just imagine tracking death saving throws for every NPC and weak monsters…

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5 points

Not since 3.5.

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