118 points

I straight up thought this were a screenshot of an unshaded game or something

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46 points

Oh it looks like that thing will unshade a field of view real nice.

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15 points

That light will last less than 1 or 2 min and will get super duper hot.

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16 points

same

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11 points

Tbh that’s probably good enough for a deployable self defense solution.

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4 points

Makes perfect sense given LEDs are only around 50% efficient or even less so if this thing can produce this monstrous holy light then it is bound to overheat and drain the battery very fast

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3 points
*

yeah even my 1500lumen light gets unbearably hot after running on turbo for more than 5 minutes

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104 points
37 points

Of course there’s an appropriate XKCD! That site is awesome! 🤩

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18 points

There’s even a related what-if.

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So by XKCD’s calculations, when Piccolo blew up the moon, it should have taken the Earth with it.

That would have solved a lot of problems here.

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80 points

Honestly bright light in the face is pretty fantastic nonlethal self-defense. Most people just can’t push through a bright light in the face for some reason, you just do the full-body flinch and are stuck there. Gives you a bit of time to get to your pepper spray or baton or Grenade Launcher or whatever you use

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24 points

Well that $#@$ing escalated quickly.

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16 points

You can say “fucking” on the internet…

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7 points

They were saving time by not typing out dollarhashatdollaring

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20 points

Is own a grenade launcher for home defense, since that’s what the founding fathers intended. Four heathans break into me house. “Have at 'em lads” As I grab me scrumpeh and grenade launcher. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he’s dead on the spot. Quikie laucher on the second man, miss im entirely because it’s smoothbore and nails the enemy spy. I have to resort to the loose canon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with cannonball, “Not one of yas going to survive this!” the double donk gibs two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Grab me bottle o’ scrumpeh and charge the last terrified dadie prancin’ with a head full of eyeballs. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular glass wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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6 points

Cue the “kaboom” taunt

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4 points

Your ASS is GRASS and I’m the GRASSman… drunken rambling

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9 points

I have a tiny 4k lumen flashlight with a “defense strobe” mode. Just max brightness really disorienting. I could totally see it working

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2 points

Mine is like 800 lumens and has a blink mode that I have to cycle through to turn off. Even that is annoying AF.

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72 points

I cast “Fuck everything in that general direction”!

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51 points

I feel like if you’re attacking me, you lose the right to have unfucked eyeballs.

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3 points

Homie out here skullfucking

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1 point

Nah, i just be raving with this bad boy

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