Feeling pressured into marriage is a common issue for aromantics dating an alloromantic, regardless of sexuality.
Is alloromantic the opposite of aromantic? I tried to understand this by reading online definitions but am not sure at all.
The prefix Allo just means other, so when you have a pair of things the other one will normally become Allo-thing. Because we don’t make words the culturally accepted default position until there is something to contrast it with, most instances of Allo will describe the culturally accepted default.
Aromantic - Alloromantic
Asexual - Allosexual
Autistic - Allistic
The prefix seems unnecessary and doesn’t even make sense with your last example. Why is it needed when the a- prefix works perfectly fine to contrast with the existing word as-is?
I’m firmly of the opinion that aromantic people shouldn’t fucking date, since the whole goddamn point of dating is forming romantic relationships. Similarly, if someone identifies as asexual, they need to be completely up-front about that, so that no one that has a normal sexuality wastes their time.
Given that I had an 11 year marriage to someone that knew they were asexual and didn’t tell me for the first decade, that shit fucks you up. And I’ve known another woman that was in the same boat; her boyfriend loved her, but entirely neglected her sexuality, and it fuckin’ wrecked her self-esteem because her needs weren’t being met at all.
How does an aromantic even get to the point of being pressured into a marriage (at least in a society without arranged marriage)? Why are they dating in the first place? Am I misunderstanding how that works?
Same ways gay people get ‘straight married’.
Could be family pressure. Could be internalized hetreonormativity making them feel like they ‘should’ do this. Could be they haven’t really realized, come to terms with, or accepted their own identity.
I mean, think of a ‘stereotypical’ aromantic guy. He’s interested in women, and sleeps around a lot, but despite not getting feelings, might ‘settle down’ with one partner because its ‘normal, respectable’, even if it’s not something that makes him happy. Probably won’t make the wife happy either, but that’s it’s own issue, why she might marry a guy that ‘doesn’t do romance’.
I’m so glad younger people are largely abandoning the “wife bad” garbage. Maybe it’s not so bad to, you know, openly enjoy being with someone you love without having to make a joke about it.
It’s so bizarre. My models for a successful marriage growing up were my grandparents, and they adored each other. Comfortable enough to tease each other, but I couldn’t imagine them ever doing something like using a wedding or an anniversary to make these kinds of weird “Wife bad” jokes.
No one has to “get married by 23 and if they ever get divorced they’re massive failures” anymore.
Depends on the part of the world you live in. I’m that age and coworkers (!) constantly joke about having to find me a wife and find it a bit odd that I’m not even in a long-time relationship yet.
I had this colleague a few years back who was 28-29 at the time, and people were bad-mouthing him because he wasn’t married, saying that something must be wrong with him. Societal pressure is very strong here.
You wouldn’t believe this is happening in the EU, right?
The biggest reason for declining marriages is that people can actually make choices now and people don’t want to be shackled to someone they hate their whole lives.
People had radically different attitudes about marriage in olden times, when marriage equaled survival in many ways, and survival of your family, your connections, your career and your status, which was held through generations. It wasn’t thought of normally in terms of love and that’s a very modern view of marriage.
Romance and marriage for love certainly existed, but that was usually considered fantasy or stageplay.
When I married my wife almost 15 years ago my mother-in-law gave me a shirt that said game over with a happy bride stick figure and a very sad groom figure so I took that shirt and I wrote a :-) over the guy’s :-( and I wore that shit under my tuxedo and as soon as the wedding was over I opened my jacket and walked around with that shirt proudly for the rest of the night. Yeah game over, I won.
Ahh back in the good ol’ days i could go mike tyson on that bitch but nowadays everythings too woke
Btw satire please dont take this seriously
