Sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don’t multiply.
If you are in possession of a penis, pull your pants down slightly and put said penis in someone’s mouth, you achieve clothed oral sex outside of bed without dividing any legs and any chance of multiplying.
So nope.
Nice dick, bro, but I should emphasise that this can’t be just anyone’s mouth and you should check that the other person is enthusiastic about it all before beginning.
Well here’s someone putting unnecessary math into their sex scene:
At the risk of outing the extreme perversity of my sick mind, I present the following math problems for your edification and enjoyment…
TW: Age-play
All participants are adult, even when otherwise is implied. Cat magic.
Yes, they are real math problems. I wrote up a bunch for a failed scene decades ago.
Enjoy.
Travel: On a road trip daddy is letting Tiffany steer the car. While Tiffany bounces softly on daddy’s lap, daddy is casually accelerating six miles per hour per minute. How far to they travel from the point they’re going 30 mph to when they’re going 90 mph?
Snack Time: Leslie is eating an enormous double-scooped ice-cream cone while Brenda is sucking on a huge Popsicle. Leslie’s long licks up the side and along the top of her two scoops each average 8 seconds and 5 such licks consume an ounce of ice cream. Meanwhile, Brenda’s sucking strokes are only 4 seconds long. But the juice-bar is so big she can only contain 2 inches of frozen fruity goodness in her mouth at a time. It takes 20 such strokes for Brenda to wear away an inch of her tasty treat. If Leslie’s ice cream cone is 16 ounces and Brenda’s Popsicle is 9 inches long, and it takes Leslie just as long to eat the cone as it does Brenda the last two inches of Popsicle, then which girl will finish their snack first, and by how much time?
Sleep Time: On Friday night, Teresa has a slumber party with six other girls. Daddy takes 30 minutes to tuck Teresa in, plus 5 minutes each to tuck in the other girls at the party, except Veronica with whom he takes 45 minutes. Daddy also takes 20 minutes to tuck in Teresa’s little sister, Holly, and an hour to tuck in Teresa’s older sister, Barbie. At what time does Daddy have to start getting girls ready for bed in order to have them all in bed by 10:00 pm?
I mean that’s just how acceleration works. Speed is distance over time, acceleration is change in speed over time, hence distance over time (speed) over time
That’s not the problem. Coming from metric, I expected m s-2 for acceleration. The imperial units for distances are weird enough in their own right – but using two different units of time for the two time derivatives is truly unholy.
If my math classes had had some sex scenes, maybe I wouldn’t have been so useless at it.
What
…is the speed of a cumshot that reaches its target’s mouth 1 ft away in 0.28 seconds? Assume 6 mls of splooge. What is the transfer rate? If 80% of it hits the target and is immediately swallowed, what is the rate of loss?
